1. Give yourself (and your spouse) grace!
You are learning to be a mama (or a papa)! You wouldn't expect your baby to know how to walk the moment they are born, would you? Of course not. So allow yourself and your spouse to make mistakes and grow into becoming a parent of one or more. I remember getting so frustrated that Hannah was great at breast feeding but I was struggling to learn. Then, while in prayer, the Lord reminded me that I'm new to this whole motherhood thing and I need to not expect perfection. Some mom's make it look easy (especially regarding breast feeding). Which leads to the next tip!
2. Do what is best for you (and your family)
This one is courtesy of my midwife! 10 days after Hannah was born, I had a check up and I tried to hold it together but I felt like I was a terrible mom due to my struggle with breast feeding. I bawled. Immediately my midwife said that I need to do what is best for my family. So read books, talk to friends, and google search all your concerns, but at the end of the day what is best for whatever situation you are in, is what you feel is best. I was so afraid to give Hannah a pacifier before mastering eating because so many cautious against it due to potential nipple confusion. One night I made the decision to just give her the pacifier at night/while she sleeps. What do you know? No confusion and better sleeping at night.I heard once something along the lines of how many college age kids have to still share their bed with their parents? None. So look at the bigger picture and do what is best for your family.
3. Don't hide expectations!
This is the most powerful advice Stephen and I received in the first weeks of marriage and has transformed everything in our life together. I found that it is very important, especially in the sleep deprived state with a newborn, to express your expectations. Large and small! So if possible, have the discussion of what type of parent you are expecting to be and you are expecting your spouse to be. Who will change the diapers? Who will get up with the baby in the wee hours of the night? How will you give each other breaks? What will sex look like with a baby? How many dates do you expect to go on in a month? Who is on the potential babysitting list? Birth control after the birth? I think you get the point. There are a lot of expectations and it's so much better to voice them. Your spouse is not and will never be a mind reader! So TALK! TALK TALK TALK! When you find yourself frustrated, baby or no baby, ask yourself, "Did I have an expectation that was not voiced? Is this something they knew I wanted?". There are so many fights that are defused by this advice.
4. Do not compare yourself or your baby to anyone!
Let me repeat that again, do not compare yourself or your baby to anyone! We LOVE milestones and gauges. We LOVE to feel that our kid is the best in room, nay the world. But stop. Everybody is different, including babies! We grow at different paces and in different ways. So refer back to tip# 2 and be okay with your baby growth pace. There is a difference between concern and competition. There is no reason to feel less than because you haven't gotten your pre-baby body back 4 weeks after giving birth, see tip#1! It's ludicrous to compare which milestone your baby is at compared to your friend's baby. You can influence development because when it's said and done, your baby will grow when he or she is ready. Just provide a safe environment, food, and lots of love! I'm not an expert or even a long time mom but I do know that life is A LOT more enjoyable if you stop looking around and look at the blessings in front of you! Also, my mindset is "If I expect Hannah to be better for the sake of 'winning' now, when will it stop? If I'm criticizing and sizing up her body now, when will I stop? What if she began to compare herself to others, what would I tell her?". I understand that statement may be extreme but it's easier to stop the process at the beginningrather than later down road.
5. Don't complain about your post baby body
It's hard to be okay in your own skin after pregnancy, let alone feel beautiful. So I understand the urge to complain or even grumble but I would challenge you to read the following and reconsider your post baby body as incredible, maybe even a superhero!Around Hannah's 6 week birthday, I had it with the lack of weigh loss and not fitting into my pre-pregnancy clothes. I was beating myself up for not bouncing back "fast enough". I don't know what I was thinking but I was discouraged and felt hopeless. Then I was stopped by the Lord, who reminded me of what my body just accomplish. I carried a human for 40 weeks and 1 day. Feed and protected her in such a vulnerable state. Then birthed her. There were coaches and a midwife to assist but it was my body that completed the process from start to finish. After she was born, my body continued to provide for her. While I hold her, I realize that my body made her exist. Don't get me wrong, God had a plan and purpose for every soul. But I take pride in the fact that my body was key to creating such a sweet, precious little girl. So if I have a forever pouch and my hips are never back to normal, I'm okay with that. My body has the amazing ability to create a human and I will not focus on the aftermath of this miracle. I once heard beauty described as life. Whatever is life is beautiful. My body is beautiful because of Hannah's life. So when I look in the mirror or recent pictures, I refuse to think anything less than beautiful!
6. Don't complain about your kid(s)
Again I must reiterate, I'm a new mom and no expert. So I will admit that I know very little regarding parenting. This tip comes from another marriage tip I received as a newly wed. That is never complain/speak poorly of your spouse. Taking it a step further, brag about your spouse! (See tip#4 and don't make it a competition) The same goes for kids. It may be hard and you feel you have lost your identity in Cheerios and poopy diapers but consider your audience. Usually they are people whom never interact with your family. So the way you speak about them to others, frames the picture they have of your family in their minds. One step deeper, when you married your spouse you vowed to become one. In a nutshell, you tear down your spouse or kids, you tear down yourself. There is a fine line between expressing how you are doing and complaining about parenthood. Choose joy daily. Express gratitude whenever you have the chance. Don't be afraid of loving too much. Be cheesy. What the worst that can happen? People thinking "Wow. She has an amazing family." or "She loves her family so much!"?
7. Take the time you need and get out when you are up to it.
I had pressure from others, with good intention, to get out of the house as soon as I could after Hannah was born and some made me feel guilty that Stephen was home majority of the time with us. This tip is a combination of tip #4 and #2. Some mom's can be more active and some must be more active because of other kiddos but do not feel pressure to get out sooner than you are ready. Listen to your body and rest A LOT. For the first 6 weeks, I just changed into new pajamas everyday and sometimes my biggest trip was to the mailbox. Because I rested, my body heal fast and bleeding was minimal. I was given the okay to resume normal activity at the 4 week mark. So rest, rest, rest. This is a great time for dad to jump in!
8. Get creative with date nights/ Your marriage is your first priority
Another fun fact I heard was the same hormone release when in love is released when trying something new. So the best way to keep things fresh is mix up the routine and try new things! We try to rotate between planning weekly dates and once a month we do a family activity! Some night are game nights with a new game after Hannah is down and others are typical dinner and a movie with a new restaurant. Happy marriage equals happy family. Put that in a fortune cookie!
